[update] Finally Feeling Optimistic About My Writing Journey

Six days ago I was ready to “hang up the typewriter” for good. I know that isn’t a proper phrase or saying whatsoever, but it’s a Saturday morning and the only one I could think of! On Sunday of this same week, I talked about how I was unsure of my future with writing.

Essentially, I was ready to trash every single writing supply I owned, which isn’t much and doing so wouldn’t have taken that much time. Having been frustrated with myself for so long, it seemed like the natural conclusion at that time.

So what did I decide to do instead of throwing out all my notebooks, favorite pens, and pretty folders full of dead story ideas? I pulled out my external hard drive and began going through all my backups from the last three years.

I still love learning. I love dissecting grammar, improving my own, reading about history and touring Pennsylvania and all that jazz. I still love reading, finding new authors with writing styles I love, and finding new-to-me books I’ve never even heard of.

As I sat in Panera during one of my days off this week, computer surrounded by the spoils of lunch (okay, I meant for that to not sound disgusting, but I’m gonna leave it just because that’s the mood I’m in), an idea came to me. I went through all the folders of all the ideas I’ve had since I first started to write seriously (2016), and wrote them down in a list. There were a few story ideas I’ve been thinking about revisiting, but any time I saw their unfinished outlines I would end up closing my laptop and walking away.

I DMd that short list to a Twitter writer friend and asked her, based on the project titles alone, which one sounded the most intriguing. The funny part? She picked one of the three I’d mulled over for so long. What’s even funnier? I’ve now combined two of those three ideas into one new novel idea.

Funny how that worked out, huh?

Maybe it was the kick in my writing behind that I needed, or maybe it was all the years of historical research finally falling into place. I don’t know. What I do know is that I think I’m finally excited about research again. Excited about the process again. So excited, in fact, that last night I asked my mother if she still had this tool I used as a kid in the 90s for tracing maps and other school projects.

Because I’m ready to world build again.

As of the 5th of February, 2023, I find myself at a crossroad: do I continue on with writing, or do I hang up my creativity for the foreseeable future? I just don’t know…

That was one of the last statements I wrote in that feeling-down-in-the-dumps blog post. I was 100% ready to retire to just reading books instead of writing them. I don’t know if this feeling of optimism will stay with me. For now I’ll take it as a win. And that’s good enough for me.